Irreconcilable Differences

Tomorrow Halo's new owner Pia comes to whisk her off to Quebec where I am confident Halo will recline in a dream retirement for many years. This was a hard decision, one that has actually taken me years in which to come to terms. However, it is the best thing for Halo. Those who disagree, or believe that my unwritten contract with an 8 week old Halo (and even the written one with her breeder) stated I was to be a forever home, need only look as far as our relationship.

There comes a time in life when one must be most honest with oneself, look deep and realize mistakes were made. I tried too hard, didn't forgive when I should have, allowed stress or circumstance to cloud my judgement. I will admit I was tough on Halo, much harder on her than her puppies or Leeloo. And I'll even admit that when I got Leeloo I was worried because my relationship with Halo, I thought, was a result of her having not been born in my house. That I didn't 'know' her from the start and that is where we failed. I have come to understand and accept that is not true.

I am forced to admit, as hard as it is, that it is I who created the rift. I know why too, if I'm being bluntly honest. When I got Halo I had Petal. Halo, not a single day in her life, ever respected Petal and boy ... that ate away at me. When I bred Halo for the first time I knew I wanted to keep a puppy but I was worried that the puppy would be as careless with Petal as Halo. Was I ever wrong. Raimi adored Petal and despite his bulk and clumsy giant feet I can't recall that he ever once stepped on, laid on, tripped over, knocked over, pushed or shouldered Petal out of the way - he never even tried to steal her food - he just watched with curious, adoring eyes. I'll admit that didn't help my subconscious annoyance at Halo's clear disrespect for my Precious.

After Petal died I thought things would improve since the catalyst of the underlying resentment was gone. Not even close. So ingrained was the chip on my shoulder I couldn't let it go. I have tried, doG as my witness, I have tried. It has been a struggle of the conscience and a daily, often physical, effort to give Halo the benefit of the doubt. That is totally unfair to her.

doG Halo is a good girl. Despite my flawed and mis-guided training and attitude Halo has come out of my ownership as a shining example of a Ridgeback. I know it to be true. She is an incredible ambassador and show dog, polite, kind, smart, cheerful and charming. She is a true testament to the forgiveness of dogs for human failures. I feel like I have betrayed that 8 week old Halo and all the promises I made to her then. She does not deserve me; she deserves someone who has no history, no prior expectations, no demands except love and companionship.

I expect the people who buy my puppies to keep them forever. That is the deal. I certainly know that my intent 5 1/2 years ago was to keep Halo forever. I am the worst kind of hypocrite for not keeping my end of the bargain. In the end the dog's well being needs to be best served and I have known for years that Halo deserves better than me. The people closest to me, if they were brave enough to say it, would agree.

So tomorrow Halo embarks on a new adventure, it's going to be hard, ever so hard, to say goodbye. I love Halo (although I seem to have given the impression otherwise) and she will take a little piece of my heart with her. I owe her more than I can even begin to explain and her contribution to my life will never be forgotten. It all began with Halo.