Face the Music

Such heartbreak to write this post ... is it totally wrong of me to consider placing Halo with another family? She is 5 1/2 and I owe her so much. She did owe me a new couch but since she produced all those fabulous kids I guess we're square. Where would I be without The Boy? The gift of his addition to my life should be enough for me to keep her forever but maybe it's time to face the music.

Anyone who knows me is aware of the un-relationship Halo and I have. It's hard to explain. We have been at odds so many times that it's hard to pinpoint just why we do not connect. I can't talk to her the way I do to the other dogs - it comes out false. Sounds evil of me doesn't it?

Most people who deal with Halo think she is a perfect angel. They think I'm crazy for imagining this rift between us but I do not imagine that Halo is unhappy. Despite the walks, treats, couch, and sleeping on the bed ... Halo is melancholy. She needs a PERSON of her OWN and for whatever reason that person is not me. I'm not sure why, I can't explain it, she and I live in the same house but she is not ... mine. There was a story I heard once about something that never belonged to one person ... it belonged to everyone. Maybe Halo is that which belongs to everyone since anyone who has ever met her thinks she is wonderful. She gives so much to other people but falls short with me.

I am so very proud of her and her accomplishments. I am terrified of placing her in another home and it not working out as it has once already. Maybe my guilt at this relationship paradigm is strictly the reason I would hesitate to place her. If Halo had one family who doted on her, gave her treats everyday, a corner of the bed to sleep on, a cushion of the couch, a walk to herself everyday ... she'd be so happy. It would be Heaven for Halo. Who am I to deny her that?

Halo is used to travel and change. She's been away for showing with handlers, she's been to be bred three times, travelled extensively up and down the continent with various strangers, lived in several houses, and every single time, without fail, Halo has gelled and become part of the scenery seamlessly. In effect, she is the perfect dog for placement.

So what brought on this tirade of emotional reflection? I swear for the past 48 hours I've been thinking hard - (insert singing nuns here) what do you do with a problem like Halo? And today - like a thunderbolt - I got an email from someone looking for an older dog between the ages of 3 and 6 years who just lost their Ridgeback. It got me thinking. So I emailed them back and basically said 'It depends ...' Before Halo, or any of the dogs, go anywhere, I must implicitly believe that they will live out their lives in the comfort to which they are accustomed in my home ... and I set a pretty high bar for spoilage!