Hitman

I’m, like, the worst puppy owner ever.

I was at the park last night walking the dogs. It was pretty quiet, it’s dark and cold so far fewer people come out. The only dogs you really see are the ones with lots of hair. Except me of course. Another reason I’m comfortable at the park now is the snow. With the snow reflecting ambient light I can see the dogs very well and they show up as a little blob and a big blob, once the snow melts it will be harder to see them but for now it’s a good outing.

Leeloo does NOT like the deep snow. She follows the path almost exclusively and does not want to bound through the drifts like Raimi. Raimi luuuurvs the snow. Boing! Boing! Boing! Bolt! Spin! Bow! Charge!(toward Leeloo who hits the ground) Fake left! Fake right! Over! It’s fun to watch.

A jogger appeared out of nowhere and Raimi got a stern warning from me to stop uh … investigating him. The guy should have stopped and said something to Raimi but he didn’t so Raimi did the suspicious dog approach (which looks aggressive to the untrained eye) and tried to sniff jogger. Since Jogger didn’t stop running it seemed like Raimi was ‘chasing’ him where he was actually just trying to figure out if Jogger was a threat. I told Raimi no and of course he didn’t listen so I grabbed him and gave him a good talking to. Lately he’s been ‘ignoring’ my orders and I think it was high time he got a brush up on listening. Leeloo was following Jogger too but lost interest quickly when she heard me throttling Raimi.

Since when did the old adage ‘If a dog chases you stop running’ get replaced by “Ignore the dog and keep running so its predator instincts kick in and the dog’s hearing mysteriously becomes selective”? People make me CRAZY!

Anyway, on to the bad puppy owner incident. Raimi likes to chase sticks. He retrieves them, takes them about 50 feet away from me and starts to destroy them. So I find a stick lying on the ground next to Leeloo. It’s about 18” long and I pick it up. Leeloo wants it but of course it’s for Boy to chase so I call him, he comes crashing back through the bushes, sees the stick and I wave it a little and throw it.

(Aside: I have bad hips and shoulders. Don’t laugh – I was born with hip dysplasia – yes, a dog breeder had a child with HD and while it has affected my hips since I was about 20 my shoulders didn’t start going til I was about 25. I have always been a bad thrower. Mostly because it actually hurts and feel awkward to throw over-hand. So I usually throw objects like a discus, in an arc across my body, because it’s more comfortable. My aim is always bad and I can never be sure exactly what direction an object will take. One day I’ll tell the tale of when I threw a stick for Halo and partially dislocated my shoulder - that was fun.)

So Leeloo is standing next to me presumably looking up at the stick which she sees as a fun toy. I hold the end of the stick, and throw in a discus fashion as hard as I can (not very but hard enough). No idea where the stick or Raimi went but Leeloo lets out this horrific yelp and shoots away screaming like I just hit her as hard as I could with a 18” long stick.

Whoops.

So there is Leeloo, screaming and yelping and shaking her head and backing away. I catch her to see what damage I’ve done, none is apparent but she is still very upset. I haven’t actually ever owned such a drama queen. She is grumbling and whining and letting out and occasional yelp and I say it’s home time. She is not lame so I’m pretty sure I whacked her in the head. I was worried about her eye but I think I caught her on the skull where the bone is pretty hard.

Poor baby. She is fine. No permanent damage. Didn’t break the skin. No swelling. Possibly a bit tender. She is talking to me again. I think she accepted my apology. She was all Miss Snoozy Cuddle Pants last night so I think she will make a full recovery.

Perhaps I should just take a hint and not throw anything else, clearly it’s beyond my abilities.