Here's a funny story from a while back - right at my front door is the dog's water bowl. It holds about 3 litres of water, has a round bottom and is made of glass. I love these bowls but because of the round bottoms they sometimes tip if you knock into them - fortunately that doesn't happen very often since the weight of the water usually prevents tippage. The bowl is also right next to the dog couch so nappy dogs who are thirsty don't have to go far.
So one Saturday I am busy mashing out yet another brilliant blog, the dogs are peacefully slumbering on the couch and all is quiet. Suddenly there is a knock at my door and the house erupts into mayhem. Raimi is standing at the door emitting the biggest woof he can muster, Leeloo is standing on the couch with her feet on the arm ready to greet our guests at eye level and Esme is pinging off the walls in excitement and emitting high pitched barks. I wrestle my way to the door and push aside the curtain enough to see two young men standing there looking understandably concerned for life and limb. Pinned to their lapels are shiny silver name tags engraved with the words JESUS CHRIST and I presume their names and the church for which they are on a Mission - I didn't catch those details because I had 115 poinds of Boy trying to climb over me.
I don't have a problem with religion as such - most factions are basically harmless, it brings communities together, it's a great support system, they do a lot of charity and they help a lot of people. However, on a Saturday afternoon, do not come to my door and push whatever you're selling in my face. Ever. What will greet you is two very large dogs and a small barky dog who also do not like their Saturday afternoon disturbed.
So I open the door a crack to tell these young men I am not interested in their Word. Leeloo, upon seeing daylight, throws herself off the couch, tips over the freshly filled water bowl, pushes me out of the way and greets the young men in person. I am yelling at anything that moves while trying to hold Raimi back, Esme is still pinging, Leeloo is all wiggles and joy on the front step, there are 3 litres of water quickly spreading across my livingroom and the young men look politely horrified.
In between reprimanding the dogs and attempting some modicum of control I tell the men I am not interested, demand Leeloo get back in the house and shut the door. Once everyone has calmed down and towels are soaking up the water, I took a moment to reflect on the previous 4 minutes of my life. I recall, with some chagrin, that the first words out of my mouth as Leeloo leapt from the couch and hit the water bowl were "JESUS CHRIST LEELOO!" Chances are good those young men won't be back to the little blue house on Oak Street.